All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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