maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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