and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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