Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
