Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
