He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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