My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
