Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
