yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
