Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
