I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
