I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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