I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
