There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
