When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
