some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
