I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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