we're chasing vodka with high fives
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
