So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
