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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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