I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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