my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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