do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
