Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
