Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
