i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
