Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
