TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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