well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
