Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
