I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
