i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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