gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
