Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
