I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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