My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
