So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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