HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
