this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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