I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
