I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think i have two assholes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
