It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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