The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
NoShamevember. You game?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
