Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
