i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
