I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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