dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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