I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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