the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
