i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
