i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
