Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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