lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
