he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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