I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
