Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
