and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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